This week I had a chance to go back to the school office and chat with one of our faculty members about how everything is going and share some stories about lessons learned over the past six months. It was a good time, mostly filled with laughter at all of my shenanigans.
One episode that I haven't shared yet occurred during my orthopedic surgery rotation and drew a raucous laugh from my former instructor. It was an early morning, before 0700 and we were preparing to perform a total knee replacement on an elderly woman. Just the previous week I had been verbally cautioned against scrubbing in too soon because it made me useless in prepping/positioning the patient. This morning, I was determined not to make that mistake, so I waited in the hall outside the OR with my attending and his Nurse Practitioner. They were hurriedly doing their last minute tasks and I didn't have anything to do. The NP told me to get scrubbed and I began to meander through the task not wanting to get done too soon (in the end, I was simply woefully unmindful of the situation). As soon as the attending stood up and started getting ready I snapped to scrubbing my hands and getting ready, but it was already too late. They finished scrubbing moments ahead of me and the attending stepped into the room one step ahead of me. And here is where I made the mistake: I didn't realize that stepping into the OR behind the attending was tantamount to being 20 minutes late to surgery - ie it was a total disgrace to me and I should be ashamed of myself. The attending took the opportunity to inform me of my failure in front of all of the OR staff. I was behind him, so he couldn't see the look on my face or the sweat beading on my brow, but the rest of the OR staff could. There were a few snickers and chuckles (well deserved), but in the end I got gloved and gowned and did my job at the side of the operating table. I was adequately shamed and I never repeated that particular error.
As I talked with my former instructor, this story brought much delight. But we talked about other things going on - about psychiatry, about the struggles that PA school has brought with family, money, and time. After I left I kept feeling that gut feeling that anyone who has played competitive sports has felt. That feeling that says, "Time to dig a little deeper... It's fourth quarter, we're holding on to the lead just barely, and the other team has just put in a fresh set of players." It's that feeling of exhaustion, pride, diligence all mixed together but looking at a finish line that is a full lap in the distance... It's time to dig deep so that I can finish strong. I have fewer than 200 days left, just six months. I am fully 4/5 of the way through PA school and though things have been tough, we are doing quite well. My prayer is that God will finish what He has started well, and I have no doubt that He will be faithful to do so. But I know, through this feeling, that without Him I would be struggling very much.
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