As life has slowed significantly, I have directed my focus into 1 of 3 activities -
1. Spending time with my family.
2. Studying for my board exams.
3. Putting in my share of the work on our local ambulance company.
The only one of these three that has been at all stressful has been #2, otherwise life has returned to what we would consider normal. However, #2 has produced within me a significant amount of tension. I try not to presume that I will pass on my first attempt, thus allowing me to have a good work ethic. But the more I remind myself that it's possible for me to fail, the more I feel I need to stress about studying and preparing. On top of this, I'll score 80% or better on a practice test one day, then the next day I will score a meager 65% (sometimes lower). The latter days are very stress producing. All this serves to throw more uncertainty onto my perception of how I rank amongst my colleagues and whether or not I will pass on my first attempt. I add into the mix the fact that my employer is expecting that I will pass (and will be less-than-happy if I don't) and it goes up a notch.
All this to say that, though I've dealt with an inordinate amount of stress over the past 2.5 years without a hiccup, the final hurdle is causing me a little bit of heart-burn. I am trying to avoid worrying, doing my diligence by studying, and trusting that God has got me right where He wants me. I try to be reminded often that He got me into school, He helped me pass every test, He carried me through clinical year, and now, because of Him, I've graduated. If I were to fail, it would have happened long ago. So my hope is that this final hurdle will pass without difficulty. I'm scheduled to take the exam on 23 Sept, at 1100 hours. I think it will be a good day.
But in the meantime - I'm thoroughly enjoying having some extra time to take EMS calls with the wonderful crew of our volunteer ambulance agency.
